ADHD can create the serious problem for ADHD patients in their marriages. Couples can be stuck with misunderstanding, frustration or resentments especially when ADHD patients are untreated comprehensively or even not diagnosed. However these problems can be avoided by the support and the understanding. Following are the possible problems, causes and some advice for the adults with ADHD.
- Potential problems
- Disadvantageous symptoms of ADHD
- The effective process to understand the relationship
- Advice for ADHD patients in all genders
The marriage with an untreated ADHD can be a serious challenge to many people. The first impression can be very stimulated because the ADHD patients are overwhelming with adrenaline and endorphins. However, this emotion will be decreased with time. The possible problems can be a sense of rejection, loneliness or ignorance… The non-ADHD patients can feel tired of taking care of everything and being responsible for keeping their love. Furthermore, they can feel dangerous since they cannot rely on their partners.
The details about the issues can happen during loving time and marriage:
- A sense of rejection: the ADHD patients find it hard to stay focus on their partner. It is the most common symptoms of ADHD, which can lead their adore fell neglected or disinterest.
- Loneliness: the strange behaviors of the ADHD patients can even make their partner feel disinterested so they will tend to ignore their ADHD partner. The result is that both of them feel lonely.
- Frustration: the loneliness, the sense of rejection or ignorance can drive the two into frustration. They will have the undefinable problem and unexpected problems. These feelings can become pervasive and both ADHD patients and their partners feel disregarded, disrespected and ignored in the relationship. One will reproach and one will shut down their emotion and stay in the cold.
- Exhaustion and hopelessness: the inconsistency in following and remembering will be the big deal to each of them to share and continue the relationship. One of them will still try to solve their emotional problems. However, the non-ADHD can stay in hopelessness if they do not understand the symptoms of ADHD, which are the root of every problem.
- Parent-Child activities. The model most destructive in a relationship with ADHD is when one partner becomes responsible “parents” and other numbers irresponsible “childish”. This is due to the inconsistency inherent in untreated ADHD. Since the ADHD partners cannot rely on, the non-ADHD partner takes over, leading to anger and frustration for both partners. Parenting a partner is never good. You can change this model by using strategies to support ADHD, such as reminder systems and processors. These partners help ADHD become more credible and to regain his status as “partners”.
2. Disadvantageous symptoms of ADHD
The Terry Matlen the author of Survival Tips for Women with ADHD has a saying: “forgetfulness and impulsivity when you put the symptoms of [attention deficit hyperactivity disorder] into a marriage, it creates havoc”. The adults with ADHD cannot be diagnosed until their symptoms persist and spread into every aspects of their life, from work to the romantic relationship. As time passed, tensions can build up if the condition is not recognized or the symptoms and its motives are misunderstood. The brand impulsivity can turn into rash financial decisions. Or a husband has a habit can hinder his wife because he had “no brake to stop” and is afraid of losing his skitter thoughts if he waited, Orlov said. For non-ADHD partner, disruption is disrespectful.
All problems that the couples meet come from the ADHD symptoms.
- Inattention: ADHD is always missed and overlooked during the dating time. The sudden pop out of the conversations of the ADHD partners can make the other feel ignored and devalued. The ADHD patients often forget the important details as birthday, loving day or even what they have promised or discussed. These can make other tired and feel unreliable.
- Impulsivity: the ADHD patients have tendency to blurt things with no thought. Impulsivity can lead to the irresponsible and reckless behaviors. This badly harms the relationship. ADHD symptoms are not undermining your relationship; partner’s reaction to the symptoms, and the reaction that it evokes, is. You can respond to a partner’s habit of impulsively blurting out things like feeling a lack of respect and fight back. This will cause ADHD to lose the war. Or, you can respond by changing your conversational form to make it easier for partners to ADHD participants. Some ways to do this include talking in sentences shorter and your partner can take notes to “hold” an idea for later. The couples are aware of this model can select the reaction produced.
- Emotional outbursts: the ADHD patients have serious problem in controlling their emotion. They can easily lose their temper or stay calmly in the discussion. Having a partner with untreated ADHD often leads to a non-ADHD partner engage in more housework. If the imbalance in the workload is not resolved, the non-ADHD partner will feel resentment. Try harder is not the answer. ADHD partner must try “different”, if they are to succeed – and the non-ADHD partner to accept unorthodox approach to their work. Leave clean clothes in the dryer, so they can easily find the next morning, it seems strange, but it can work to ADHD partners. Both partners benefit when partners do not ADHD admit that his way of doing things does not work for partner.
3. The effective process to understand the relationship
Step1: Cultivate empathy for spouses
The ADHD patient often suffers in a relationship than their partner. However, both of them should be well educated about ADHD. The ADHD partner can understand the problems from their ADHD symptoms that their partner is dealing with. Moreover, the non-ADHD can acknowledge the reasons for the strange behaviors of their partners. The mutual understanding will make both of them empathise for each other.
Step 2: Emotional Address Obstacle
The “emotional obstacles” of anger, fear, denial and despair runs strong in relationships once they became derailed. Each spouse needs to evaluate the role of emotional obstacles in the game itself hinder the relationship and responsible for moving the emotions out of the way.
Step 3: Treatment for both of them
Like a pedestal, effective treatment for adults with ADHD, and there are three “legs”. All three legs are necessary for optimal treatment. The first leg is to make physical changes to the brain chemistry (from ADHD most often is a matter of chemistry). “Truth” may include medications, but also exercise, fish oil, nutrition, sleep and more. Good treatment in this area to permit effective in the second and third legs.
Step 4: To enhance communication
Besides the verbal hints mentioned above, there is, specific ways to communicate friendly ADHD more effectively around the home, interruption, disagreements and more. One of my favorites is “learning conversations”. This means it is a specific type of conversation is structured for topics or emotional difficulties. They are designed to help you each “hear” better when you’re at an impasse. In a conversation study, a spouse cannot “reject” or respond to their partner until it is clear that they fully understand the nuances of what their partners are trying hard to say.
Step 5: Establish boundaries and find own voice
Through an investigation of each one of them is when you are “best self”, each member of a couple can reconnect with the best about how they want to live their lives and create a set of boundaries, or rules, so they will go there. These boundaries dictate your behavior. They create clarity in the relationship of how to treat partner and what the most important change is that there need to be done.
They may not realize it, but there is actually science behind what they can do to reinvigorate your romance after a difficult time dealing with ADHD in marriage. Scroll through the steps one through five can help to build confidence which is necessary to start your sex life more exciting. It is recommended that my couples “shake things up” with new experiences to new intimate relationship of them.
4. Advice for ADHD patients in all genders
- For the ADHD partner: the patients of ADHD should acknowledge that their ADHD symptoms are having bad impacts on their relationship. Their symptoms should be managed in order that they become more reliable for their partner. They should spoil their spouse by the true care for even the tiny things.
- ADHD partner cannot stay under their control so they should control themselves by stopping their verbal attacks or nag. The encouragement can helpfully motivate their partner to make progress of dealing with ADHD. They should give praise when their partner archive or succeed in something.
Getting married with ADHD patients can cause some troubles appearantly. Therefore, the cooperation from two sides will be the most effective tool to keep love and build the happy family.